Mirrors: my body is not a battleground.
Updated: Jun 23
One of the first things I do in the morning is looking at myself in the mirror. I believe it is an intimate, personal and very profound experience. It is a way to get to know yourself, reflect, appreciate and encourage. Only in recent years I have managed to accept my image and love its reflection.
For years, looking in the mirror scared me because I didn't accept myself. Not only did I not accept my body, but I did not accept my identity and person. Losing weight, cutting my hair, makeup etc didn't change anything at all, but I kept doing it. The real turning point came when I accepted my identity, my person, all the parts inside me that I considered wrong, ugly, unsuitable. I realized it was just my perception. I had people bullying me, telling me I was wrong and all sort of things. That affected me so much, but I understood that the problem was theirs, not mine. ...the important thing is that I realised that there was nothing wrong with me, my skin colour, my body, my voice, the way I dressed etc.
I started a search, which has lasted for years, made of acceptance, psychological study and self-love. It was everything but easy, it was not a choice, it was a journey
Looking in the mirror, both emotional and physical, is a personal journey, made of battles some were won others lost.
We often look at ourselves and the image it reflects does not align with the way we feel inside and how we perceive our bodies. If our identity does not coincide with the reflection, this causes anxiety, stress, detachment. However, looking at our reflection helps us develop a sense of self, by taking root in our bodies and we often tend to reject the reflection and therefore to refuse. Society has applied too many rules on our bodies, on what it should look like, restrictions on what is right and what is wrong. There is no balance or freedom.
Due standards set by society, we tend to be very critical of our bodies, making it too complicated to simply accept and love ourselves deeply. It is the only body we have in this life. If there is a desire to change, it is only for ourselves, it is because we feel that need within us and not to please others. It is useless to put myself down for an image that will inevitably deteriorate and disappear. How imperative it is to love it with all my soul.
For this reason I decided to make a painting on all the battles I had with my body, a painting that represented that intimate, personal moment. I used abrupt, decisive movements, full of energy. To bring out all the emotions, I painted listening to music that I listened to when I was a teenager such as Lady Gaga (who I still listen to today) and le luci della centrale elettrica. The painting has a thick and raised texture with many details. I only used iridescent colors, which change according to the angle and light, a metaphor.
My eyes meet my reflection
I can feel every part of my body coming alive suddenly,
the void wants to take control
Am I real? What is real?
If I could only stop my mind from racing
I am in a constant competition
with the mirror and the phone
asking for more and more
I am already giving you everything, what else is there?
My mind falls apart as I hold your hand
and I don't know who I am
when the mirrors turn around
I will look for your skin
I know my reflection won’t help me find peace
broken glasses on the floor
I keep looking for you even thought
you are long gone
you are burning through my spine.
Tired of falling apart, the mirror is laughing behind my back
If you are intersted in purchasing the painting or fine art print; contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org